Let's talk...
First, Happy New Year everyone! Let's make the resolution to make 2013 the best year ever. Throw off all the bad stuff from school, friends, even home, and take a deep breath. Now close your eyes and let it out slowly, imagining all the crap from last year disappearing into thin air on your outgoing breath. Keeping you eyes closed, breathe in again picturing "light" and feel it start warming you from your toes to the top of your head until you believe when you open your eyes, you'll glow. There. Bad karma gone...good karma in. Just a little exercise I do when I feel "heavy" with bad stuff and need to purge.
Okay on my personal blog page jcolemanauthor.blogspot.com I've been discussing a rather delicate subject. Now when I needed to talk to my kids about something private (or they were in need of a good old-fashioned "mom meltdown") I took them for a ride. They always knew when I said "Get in the car, we're going for a ride" and no one else was invited, it was serious. They also knew better than to say "no." Fatal mistake.
So, "let's go for a ride..."
Is "abuse" being made to look sexy? This is targeted to both boys and girls. Is the media, movies, books, and even video games portraying dominant relationships (where one partner "demands" how their girlfriend/boyfriend acts, dresses, who they hang with, and that they always be "on call" to come when summoned) to be the WANTED type of romantic relationship? Here's some questions you should consider, and if any apply to your current relationship with a boy/girl, you should break it off sooner than later. Not healthy behavior and destined to escalate into something dangerous.
1. Is it sexy, fun, romantic, if your boyfriend/girlfriend stalks you? He or she is waiting for you everywhere or hiding and watching you "to make sure you're all right?" RED FLAG
2. Is it sexy, fun, romantic, if your boyfriend/girlfriend asks you to lie to your parents (or guardians) and sneak around to meet him/her when you're supposed to be doing something else (like studying or really sleeping over at a friend's house)? RED FLAG
3. Is it sexy, fun, romantic, if your boyfriend/girlfriend questions your every move, who you talk to, and treats you like you've committed a major crime if you're not where you're supposed to be the exact minute you said you would be? Do they go all psycho if you blow them off even by a few minutes? DANGEROUS RED FLAG
4. Is it sexy, fun, romantic, if your boyfriend/girlfriend playfully punches you a little too hard? Squeezes your arm hard enough to make you say ouch or leave a bruise? Slaps you then apologizes immediately, following up with "I love you?" THIS RED FLAG IS WAVING
5. Is it sexy, furn, romantic, if your boyfriend/girlfriend forces you to physically do something you're not ready for, don't want to do, or are not comfortable about doing (get that sick feeling in your gut) - and says "so-and-so does this" or "if you really loved me..." line of crap to get you to "comply" with the demand? RED FLAG ON FIRE
6. Is it sexy, fun, romantic, if your boyfriend/girlfriend threatens to hurt his or her self, or someone else they suspect you're involved with? RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK
GIRLS: If your boyfriend is dictating who your friends should be; change your plans and come to wherever he demands the minute he calls; NEVER talk to other boys; follows you around when you're with your friends or hangs our in front of your house until you get home then questions your every move; threatens to hurt himself (commit suicide) or anyone else you associate with; touches you inappropriately without your permission; or God forbid, hits you or even squeezes your arm hard enough to cause a bruise or even say "ouch," GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP FAST!
BOYS: If your girlfriend turns into the drama-queen-from-hell any time you talk to another girl; threatens to hurt herself or commit suicide (big red flag guys) or anyone else you're associated with; calls you constantly to check-up on you or follows you around when you're out with your friends; HITS you in any way (even playful punches that you know are intended to be more than teasing); demands you behave a certain way, dress the way SHE likes; or does something in retaliation to anything she THINKS you've done (key your car or a friend's car; slash a tire...you get the drift), BREAK UP WITH HER IMMEDIATELY!
And here's the important part. IF you are physically hurt, you need to TELL someone you trust. If you don't you are enabling this person to either keep hurting you, or someone else. I didn't do this when it happened to me. As a consequence, another innocent person was hurt. I should have been strong enough to say something, but I was embarrassed and afraid. DON'T BE AFRAID TO SPEAK UP. BE STRONG. SAY "NO" AND TELL.
Stop the abuse, however small you might think it is. If you don't...a playful punch could turn into something much worse. If you allow it even once, you open the door and each time it happens, and it will...you get yourself into a deeper, more dangerous place. NEVER, NEVER, TAKE "I'M SORRY, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN" or "I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH" and especially never accept "THIS IS YOUR FAULT...SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO?" as acceptable apologies.
How many times have you picked up a book based on its cover, only to find out its a lame story? Same goes for picking your dating partners. Never choose someone based on looks, popularity, or what car they drive, alone. Choose them because you like their personality, the way they make YOU feel good about yourself, and the fact your gut doesn't get twisted in their presence, is always a good sign. Trust your instincts, even if it's not the "popular choice."
Love you guys!
Two books to check out on abusive teen relationships: "Stay" by Susane Colasanti and "Dreamland" by Sarah Dessen
Okay on my personal blog page jcolemanauthor.blogspot.com I've been discussing a rather delicate subject. Now when I needed to talk to my kids about something private (or they were in need of a good old-fashioned "mom meltdown") I took them for a ride. They always knew when I said "Get in the car, we're going for a ride" and no one else was invited, it was serious. They also knew better than to say "no." Fatal mistake.
So, "let's go for a ride..."
Is "abuse" being made to look sexy? This is targeted to both boys and girls. Is the media, movies, books, and even video games portraying dominant relationships (where one partner "demands" how their girlfriend/boyfriend acts, dresses, who they hang with, and that they always be "on call" to come when summoned) to be the WANTED type of romantic relationship? Here's some questions you should consider, and if any apply to your current relationship with a boy/girl, you should break it off sooner than later. Not healthy behavior and destined to escalate into something dangerous.
1. Is it sexy, fun, romantic, if your boyfriend/girlfriend stalks you? He or she is waiting for you everywhere or hiding and watching you "to make sure you're all right?" RED FLAG
2. Is it sexy, fun, romantic, if your boyfriend/girlfriend asks you to lie to your parents (or guardians) and sneak around to meet him/her when you're supposed to be doing something else (like studying or really sleeping over at a friend's house)? RED FLAG
3. Is it sexy, fun, romantic, if your boyfriend/girlfriend questions your every move, who you talk to, and treats you like you've committed a major crime if you're not where you're supposed to be the exact minute you said you would be? Do they go all psycho if you blow them off even by a few minutes? DANGEROUS RED FLAG
4. Is it sexy, fun, romantic, if your boyfriend/girlfriend playfully punches you a little too hard? Squeezes your arm hard enough to make you say ouch or leave a bruise? Slaps you then apologizes immediately, following up with "I love you?" THIS RED FLAG IS WAVING
5. Is it sexy, furn, romantic, if your boyfriend/girlfriend forces you to physically do something you're not ready for, don't want to do, or are not comfortable about doing (get that sick feeling in your gut) - and says "so-and-so does this" or "if you really loved me..." line of crap to get you to "comply" with the demand? RED FLAG ON FIRE
6. Is it sexy, fun, romantic, if your boyfriend/girlfriend threatens to hurt his or her self, or someone else they suspect you're involved with? RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK
GIRLS: If your boyfriend is dictating who your friends should be; change your plans and come to wherever he demands the minute he calls; NEVER talk to other boys; follows you around when you're with your friends or hangs our in front of your house until you get home then questions your every move; threatens to hurt himself (commit suicide) or anyone else you associate with; touches you inappropriately without your permission; or God forbid, hits you or even squeezes your arm hard enough to cause a bruise or even say "ouch," GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP FAST!
BOYS: If your girlfriend turns into the drama-queen-from-hell any time you talk to another girl; threatens to hurt herself or commit suicide (big red flag guys) or anyone else you're associated with; calls you constantly to check-up on you or follows you around when you're out with your friends; HITS you in any way (even playful punches that you know are intended to be more than teasing); demands you behave a certain way, dress the way SHE likes; or does something in retaliation to anything she THINKS you've done (key your car or a friend's car; slash a tire...you get the drift), BREAK UP WITH HER IMMEDIATELY!
And here's the important part. IF you are physically hurt, you need to TELL someone you trust. If you don't you are enabling this person to either keep hurting you, or someone else. I didn't do this when it happened to me. As a consequence, another innocent person was hurt. I should have been strong enough to say something, but I was embarrassed and afraid. DON'T BE AFRAID TO SPEAK UP. BE STRONG. SAY "NO" AND TELL.
Stop the abuse, however small you might think it is. If you don't...a playful punch could turn into something much worse. If you allow it even once, you open the door and each time it happens, and it will...you get yourself into a deeper, more dangerous place. NEVER, NEVER, TAKE "I'M SORRY, IT WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN" or "I JUST LOVE YOU SO MUCH" and especially never accept "THIS IS YOUR FAULT...SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO?" as acceptable apologies.
How many times have you picked up a book based on its cover, only to find out its a lame story? Same goes for picking your dating partners. Never choose someone based on looks, popularity, or what car they drive, alone. Choose them because you like their personality, the way they make YOU feel good about yourself, and the fact your gut doesn't get twisted in their presence, is always a good sign. Trust your instincts, even if it's not the "popular choice."
Love you guys!
Two books to check out on abusive teen relationships: "Stay" by Susane Colasanti and "Dreamland" by Sarah Dessen